Last Christmas

Here I am, on Christmas eve, sitting 600 kms from home, surrounded by food, books and gadgets, tweeting my way into the night, the CNET article I just read ‘For all those alone with a gadget this XMas’ fresh in my mind like the hot coffee in my mug on my bedside table. And all I can think of is last Christmas…

I am a Hindu by birth, but there is something about being Goan (maybe) that makes Christmas a tradition. I don’t go to the church or out for the dance but there is something in the air that makes me very happy. As if there is music playing that only I can hear; couples dancing to Celine Dion’s Power of Love in snow that only I can see. I’m always surrounded by family and friends and it even makes my phone and laptop lonely. Maybe it’s all the weddings, random ceremonies, birthdays and anniversaries(consequently) whose density increases around this time of the year. Maybe it’s the holidays.

So last Christmas, at exactly the same time, I was playing with my one year old niece at her grandparents’ wedding anniversary celebration. It was a quiet dinner with very few guests and a couple of jokes thrown in here and there. At around 1 am we left for home. As we entered the interiors of Margao, the streets were crowded and there was considerable traffic as if it was 6 or 7 in the evening in an otherwise ‘susegado’ town that sleeps before 10. There was a crisp cheerfulness to the breeze that blew, a different kind of peace.

We visited a couple of Catholic friends in the morning who made sure I didn’t have place in my tummy for lunch (who can resist Christmas yummies?). And then after a refreshing afternoon siesta and visiting a few more Catholic friends, we went for our annual ‘crib’ or nativity scene tour.

Every year, as far as my memory goes, my dad takes me and my brother to see the nativity scenes in Margao and the surrounding villages. There are contests with cash prizes of tens of thousands of Rupees for the best one. There are scenes with waterfalls, real sand and grass, lighting- but nothing beats the ones you can actually walk into and around and observe. Most of the times, you have to actually line up to see the birth place of baby Jesus. It’s exactly the same scene, year after year, but there is always a new excitement to it every year, an innovation to look forward to.

And just like every year, that Christmas ended on the same blissful note too. The simple celebrations continued until New Year’s eve when we had our big annual party at a beach side shack. And like every year, I wondered where the time went and hoped it would hurry up and come again soon!

Now here I am, five Ferrero Rochers down, thinking how different life has really become. It wasn’t the lights, the food, the Christmas carols or the holidays. It was family and home. And I realised no matter where I was in the world, no matter how much money or power I had, no matter how many parties and brunches I went to- Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without family and Goa.

So I have advanced my trip home and I’m hoping to catch some of the celebrations before they fizzle out for another year. Oh and I’m going to a fancy, expensive brunch tomorrow and I’m definitely taking my Santa hat for an extra effect.

It’s midnight. Merry Christmas!

Unmarried Tenant In Rental India

Tags

apartment, bachelors, harassment, Hyderabad, rents, society, unmarried

My blood is boiling right now. The day before yesterday evening we got a new internet connection and today the secretary of our building cut the wire. With scissors. Without informing us. We stared in horror as our watchman told us that the secretary said ‘he’ll handle it when we find out’. We quickly put on whatever footwear we could find and rushed to his house.

To give a little background information, we are 3 peace loving (and literally!) girls living in a furnished 3bhk apartment in a gated society complex. We pay rent that is slightly higher than the current market rate in order to enjoy the privileges of living in a safe building closer to work while still being single. We pay maintenance on a per person basis which is higher than what a family of 6 or even more would pay even though we stay out of the house most of the time and use lesser resources. We don’t play loud music, have house parties, drink or smoke. And oh, we have never had guests, over-overnight or not.

So we confronted the secretary of the building and he made a face.
“You cannot take any new connection without asking me. You obviously don’t know the rules. Because you are bachelors”.
“What rules?”, my flat mate asked, “Would a family renting this place know rules without being told?”
He conveniently chose to ignore her.
“I had many complaints from other people staying in the society that the wire was coming in the way while they walked on the terrace. I had to cut it in the end.” (In less than 48 hours, mind you).
“Why didn’t you just inform us? We would have done something about it.”
“Oh we don’t feel comfortable talking to bachelors.”

The secretary went ahead and told us we cannot get male guests into the house. Apparently, they are worried about the safety of their wives and daughters who roam around freely in the society(!). He then proudly started telling us about how they asked a couple having a live-in relationship to leave the colony…

I hear similar stories from friends and bloggers in Pune, Mumbai, Chennai and other parts of India. So yeah, if you are renting a place while still being unmarried, you must definitely be guilty of something! At this point, I feel like yelling my head out at everyone who has this mentality. But at the cost of being homeless? No way! Let’s put up with this crap a little longer!

And me? Oh I’m house-hunting!

Charminar On A Ramadan Night

Tags

Charminar, Choodi bazaar, food, haleem, Hyderabad, old city, Ramadan, shopping

Let me be honest with you. From the moment I arrived in Cyberabad I hated it.

Hyderabad gave me a very good first impression. The airport and the area surrounding it, the expressway, the aero express.. It was better than anywhere I had seen in India. But that was where it ended. I had no idea we were expected to know when the Hi Tech city bus stop came (the bus driver didn’t say a word) and I ended up reaching JNTU. The next shocker came when I saw Madhapur, the heart (?) of the IT hub (let me just blame Bangalore). It’s exactly been a month since I landed here. I’m dying to move out. But I’m also gradually getting used to it. The flavor of Hyderabad soothes me.

And I have to give all credits to this night I spent in the old city. A little background information(yes, more): it is the month of Ramadan, a time of the year where Muslims fast from dawn to dusk and then break their fast from dusk to dawn (I know very little). For the old city, it is the time where your senses of sight, sound, smell and taste are pampered most. Foodie’s paradise and shopper’s delight.

My friend and her husband offered to take me to Charminar at night. The ignorant first timer that I was, I imagined driving past a nicely lit monument in a deserted part of town and then maybe grabbing a bite at one of the roadside stalls open late night or a restaurant maybe, if I was lucky enough. So I put on a pair of jeans and a new top I got from the mall the other day and paired it with my best handbag at hand. I didn’t bother doing any research on the place. I didn’t want to expect anything. I hated the place remember? How stupid I was!

Entering the old city at about 9 pm, it felt like the whole world had decided to pour out on the street. As our car neared the Charminar there was hardly any place to drive on the road. Ahead, all I could see was a sea of people, the women in black burkhas and most of the men in traditional wear, all surrounded by glitter. The driver dropped us right infront of the monument. For a moment my body froze. I have lived in India all my life and I have never, I repeat, never seen such a scene before. It was overwhelming. I was the only odd person out there, my friend dressed in a salwar. I took my wallet out and left the bag in the car.

The Charminar, standing there amidst the chaos, looks beautiful up close at night. It, along with some of the other buildings around, makes one wonder how majestic this place must have been in the days of the Nizam. One will be most surprised to find a lone, small temple behind the monument in this Muslim majority area, which my friend says, has been there since forever.

From there, we proceeded towards Choodi Bazaar, heaven for jewellery lovers. The very sight of all those varieties and colors of bangles made me so happy! I bought a few Minakari, glass, metal and cloth bangles. The fact that I managed to bargain and buy it from him for about 50 percent of the price made me even happier(well, you know how it is!). If you are planning a trip there, I would suggest mentally being prepared to bargain rigorously.

As we moved on, we checked out entire shops of embroidered borders one can put on salwars and saris. There were hawkers selling the most beautiful hair clips and curios. Once or twice, I saw men dragging cart fulls of chocolate and biscuits (yes, on the road) like they were vegetables and selling them. There were shops which sold different types of seviyaan (took me a few seconds to realise it was that as I had never seen it being sold in this manner) to make the special kheer. And of course, there were people, lots and lots of them, all shopping!

Hungry from all the shopping, at around 11 pm, we made our way towards the car and proceeded towards something I had come here for in the first place- food. I was much prepared this time. We passed by some very famous eating places which even I had heard of. Pista House, which had been winning the best Haleem award for the past four years(?), to name one. My friend wanted to take me to Shah Ghouse. As we approached it, the crowd thickened(as if that was possible). I saw 2 or more dozen men, wearing red tshirts selling haleem at an amazing pace to people out on the streets. Outside, there were tiny stalls selling colourful desserts. After waiting for 20 minutes, we finally got a place to sit. It was so cramped and we were so hungry that I forgot to take pictures of the yumminess that followed.

I surrendered myself to a feast of fried chicken, biryani, haleem and chicken 65. The quantity was generous but the food was gone before we knew it. Then came a round of Qubani ka Meetha, Firni and Sheer Korma. I massaged my stomach. Now I could die in peace.

After a quick meetha paan we got into the car and collapsed. We were more tired from the eating than anything else and a strange sense of peace and contentment filled us. As we left the place, more sights.

I felt like I soaked in the essence of the place. Back home, I opened my bangles and wore them. It felt good. I looked outside my window at the buildings of the IT Park next door. The next morning, I carefully avoided the puddles and performed the daily ritual of convincing the auto driver to take me to office. I still hated it. But the feel of the old city had soaked through my skin. I hated it much less.

Sleeping On Your Lap Under A Maple Tree

Tags

fantasy, love, maple tree, Poetry, romance

In the warmth of your laps,
Strength of your arms,
I slept beneath the maple tree,
The crimson strewn leaves my bed,
And you, my blanket over me.

Your eyes, silent guardians,
Of my being, my soul,
Your hands, clasping mine,
Your very presence, making me complete,
Making me whole.

Oblivious to the world around,
On this cold, moonless night,
Ignoring the murmurs surrounding you,
Your soft palms on my ears,
Drowning the sound of the crowd.

And there is the crack of dawn,
As the sun prepares to shine to brilliance,
With its impeccable beauty,
I feel like the birds are chirping us a love song,
Singing the tale of you and me.

And as I feel you kiss my forehead,
This universe seems more ours,
Time will forget us, I know,
And yet, I feel I have lived my life,
Sleeping on your lap, under the maple tree.

Journey

Tags

California, dreams, Faithfully, Journey, memories, music, nostalgia, travel

I was listening to this song today,  a hit from the 80s when I wasn’t even born, and it touched me so deep down there that I was moved to tears. It was the association of the song, not to a person, but to a place and to a time. And every time I listen to this song, it takes me back in time and I relive those moments which I spent alone, wandering, discovering myself.

On 23rd May, 2011 I went on a dream trip. This song played on my iPod when I was on a 17-hour non-stop flight. I looked out of the window and saw rivers meandering away, ice caps- endless sheets of them stretching for miles and mountains- so desolate and yet so content. I closed my eyes and the moment froze in time as the music played on.

On June 19,the same year, I found myself in the back seat of the car driving to L.A. The song played on the radio as we sped on the highway at nearly 90 miles per hour. Yellow, brown and blue outside. After a while, mountainous terrain. I lowered the window and gush of warm wind swept through my hair and across my face. The  other people in the car had been complete strangers to me two weeks back and now, they felt closer than blood family. I smiled, not knowing that almost a year later the same scene would play in my mind thousands of miles away and I would crave to be that person in the exact same place with the exact same people.

June 30: University Avenue, Palo Alto. A young guy was performing Faithfully in the courtyard outside the pizza place at about 6 30 in the evening. It was summer time, beautiful weather, happy faces, laughter all around. I sat in a Cafe across the road with my laptop open working but I could still hear him, the truth and conviction in his voice. I took a deep breath and smelt coffee. An old couple on the bench outside kissed.I took my bag and decided to walk the length of the street. I loved this place. And even though I was just visiting, the thought of leaving it didn’t once come to me. The song played faintly in the background.

On 20th July, I was sitting in the front seat when my friend, the driver, played this song on her CD. The sun was setting and we were on our way back from the Muir Woods. We drove across the Golden Gate bridge.People were posing,jogging,cycling and just letting the view sink in. These little, colourful houses, the uphill and downhill roads, the distinct flavour of San Francisco, I never thought they would remain with me. I got down on Market Street, the song still ringing in my ears. I adored this place, with all the big stores. It wasn’t the best but it was so alive. I clutched my jacket closer as it got chilly and climbed down the stairs to take the BART to Millbrae, still humming.

And now here I am on 3rd May 2012. So much has changed in a year. Ambitions, perspectives, people, me. I always wanted to go to Stanford or an ivy league (or as good) grad school and study what I always thought I wanted to. And this is me, today, heading in a totally different direction. I don’t know where I’ll be one year down the line and what I would be doing but that was one journey I went on alone, that would stay with me, very close to my heart as long as I live. And Journey brings it back to life for me.

Forever yours, faithfully.

Poetry Through Hindi Cinema

From where I sit right now, the cool breeze is blowing on my face,gently ruffling my hair. Nearby, I can hear the stream flowing, the sounds signalling the retreating monsoons, music to my ears. In the distance there are mountains covered with lush green forests. I take a deep breathe and the smells of the flora and fauna around enchant me. My senses alive all at once, I am on Earth, yet in a universe far far away. I close my eyes and become one with nature. And words, not mine, come to me..

Pighlay neelam sa behta hua yeh samaan
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyaan
Na kahin hai zameen
Na kahin aasmaan
Sarsaraati huyi tehniyaan, pattiyaan
Keh rahi hain ki bas ek tum ho yahaan
Sirf main hoon meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein
Aisi gehraiyaan
Aisi tanhaiyaan
Aur main sirf main
Apne honay pe mujhko yaqeen aa gaya         

-Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

 

Ek din jab savere savere, surmayi se andher ki chaadar hata ke 
Ek parbat ke takiye se, sooraj ne sar jo uthaaya, toh dekha 
Dil ki vaadi mein chaahat ka mausam hai 
Aur yaadon ki daaliyon par 
Anginat beete lamhon ki kaliyaan mahekne lagi hain 
Ankahi ansuni aarzoo, aadhi soyi huwi aadhi jaagi huwi 
Aankhein malte huwe dekhti hai, laher dar laher 
Mauj dar mauj, behti huwi zindagi 
Jaise har ek pal nayi hai, aur phir bhi wahi, haan, wahi zindagi 
Jiske daaman mein ek mohabbat bhi hai, koyi hasrat bhi hai 
Paas aana bhi hai, door jaana bhi hai, aur ye ehsaas hai 
Waqt jharne sa behta huwa, jaa raha hai, ye kehta huwa 
Dil ki waadi mein chaahat ka mausam hai 
Aur yaadon ki daaliyon par 
Anginat beete lamhon ki kaliyaan mahekne lagi hain

-Veer Zaara

 

Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwabon ki
Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise
Aazad rehno sikho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise
Lehron mein behna sikho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo
Khole apni bhaayein
Har ek pal ek naya samha
Dekhen yeh nigahaein
Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

 

Yeh sochta hoon main kab se gumsum
Ke jab ki mujhko bhi yeh khabar hai
Ke tum nahin ho, kahin nahin ho
Magar yeh dil hai ke keh raha hai
Ke tum yahin ho, yahin kahin ho

- Silsila

 

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya

 

Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai

 

Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

 

Majboor yeh haalaat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Tanhaai ki ek raat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Kehne ko bahut kuch hai, magar kisse kahe hum
Kab tak yunhi khaamosh rahe aur sahe hum
Dil kehta hai duniya ki har ek rasm utha de
Deevaar jo hum dono mein hai, aaj gira de
Kyoon dil mein sulagte rahe, logon ko bata de
Haan humko mohabbat hai, mohabbat hai, mohabbat
Ab dil mein yehi baat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi

- Silsila

 

Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin
Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsas hi ahsas hai

 

Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai

- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

 

And my mind consciously tumbles into nothingness…

From A Voter’s Perspective

Faking News tweeted, about an hour ago, that the BJP should buy ad-slots on television channels and run this Congress ad from 2009. The ad, in the present scenario, seems almost like a joke, made to tease the Congress over changes in the country in the past few years. As a new voter, preparing to vote for the first time in General Elections, I’m extremely confused.

At least in the past 2 years, a common site on news channels has been- Government messing up, Opposition attacking it and the Government justifying itself. Most of the times, the Opposition has failed to provide adequate solutions and the Government’s justification is, well, unjustified. There have been internal conflicts on both sides. The Government has no leader and the Opposition is either struggling to find one or is extremely unsure of who leads them. Add to that, almost every leader looking to exploit the situation for their own personal benefit.

Speaking of personal benefit and exploitation, every political party till date has resorted to corrupt practices whether you think of the Reddy Brothers of Karnataka or Suresh Kalmadi of the CWG scam. In Goa itself, a member of the BJP was allegedly bribed in crores to shift to Congress and his explaination? “I did it because the Government promised 200 jobs to people in my constituency”!!! So if jobs can be offered why is the Congress not doing it now? Is the elected representative so stupid? Or does he think we are?

What have we got to do with all this, some of us think. If the politicians are corrupt, let them be, we will stay clean. Its not just them, my dear friends, its me and you also who ultimately resort to corruption. We want our work to get done, we pay bribes because ‘atleast it will be done’. Those who don’t pay bribes have to sometimes wait for years for their files to be looked at and may have to pay bribes after all. The guys who take this bribe may in turn have bribed someone else to get this job and so on. Don’t you realise that when politicians pay you to vote for them, you are the one being corrupt and they are instigating you? And you will still vote for them? Another reason a person may vote for a candidate- he did me a favour. So you shower him with gifts and bring him to power for giving you that which was rightfully yours? And if it wasn’t rightfully yours aren’t you denying someone else of something that is rightfully his? Think!

I will start earning in a few months and thus, giving a large part of my income to the Government in the form of taxes. I have every right to know how those taxes are being utilised, where they are being utilised and why so much money is utilised in that particular place. Why would I want to pay for someone’s meal or stay in a five star hotel? We need transparency and only RTI applications by certain people for certain things are not enough. Every constituency has to know how much is collected/allocated for them and where it is utilised. And yes, we should be taxed as needed. More when need arises, and less when there is less developmental work. The annual budget just serves as an overview. The least newspapers can do is dedicate one page to showing how much is being used where in major projects at a more local level.

So our government says it is committed to fighting corruption. Really? Despite being invited, India has decided against joining an international effort, led by the US and Brazil, for an open government partnership to root out corruption, to make governance more accountable to citizens and more transparent. The BJP seems to be doing its bit by taking out a Yatra against corruption. Lets see how much corruption goes into making that happen. Do us a favour, take out a Yatra against poverty, distribute food, build toilets and ensure uninterrupted electricity and water to those areas instead. Give people a chance to fund you using that black money. Will do a lot of good.

So how will they convince us this time, I wonder. What ads will they make? Will they play the Hindutva or the minorities card? Who will offer the best solutions and implement them? Who will put the nation before their self interests? Who will ultimately ACT? Both sides have a long way to go and a lot to learn. The BJP can read this, their notebooks with points on the UPA mess ups (minus the ‘he said this’ and ‘she issued this statement’ rubbish)and provide their answers as to how they can help contribute making lives better. The UPA guys can just read their annual performance reports and put those experts and brains to better use!

Whom will I vote for in the next general election? Let them convince me they are good enough to upgrade the lives of more than a billion people!

Je t’aime

” Na hai ye pana, na khona hi hai,

Tera na Hona, jaane, kyun hona hi hai,

Tumse hi din hota hai, surmai shaam aati hai,

Tumse hi, tumse hi “

 

It is said that we enter and exit the world alone. All our lives we fend for ourselves,fight for ourselves and think about how to make our lives better and be happy.

Yet, there is someone else. Who may neither enter with us nor leave with us. And still we dedicate our lives to fend for them, fight for them, think about making their lives better and keeping them happy. Happiness- you thought that was the only thing you lived for? Well, there is something else that you took so much for granted that it slipped your mind. Something called love.

And when you realise this you start seeing a beautiful dream in reality, slip into a trance, a never ending world of promises. Suddenly your whole world feels magical, you can feel your heart racing faster, your anxiety levels rise and your belief is caressed. Your ability to hope reaches new heights. Your face glows in anticipation, sometimes noticeably, of a new tomorrow.

Some say it happens a zillion times. But you can feel it only once. All your senses alive, alert, all at once. More than once, you catch yourself smiling without any reason. More than once, you find yourself humming random and specifically directed tunes. Never felt this way? Maybe you still have to wait.

But what about when this very word crashes your whole world? What about when distances are beyond measurement? I’d say believe in Disney. Watch some of those fairytales. Everyone has one. You will too.

I’d do grammar injustice if I deny that love is a personification. A reflection, of your deepest desires and dreams, of your soul. A power so strong, that it lets you be who you want to be- a child when you are old, older while you are still young.

You think I write this because I’m in love? If love is this powerful wind, maybe I can just feel the cool breeze blowing on my face. It ruffles my hair and adds colour to my cheeks. What can I say..feels wonderful. A lot like love.

Guess Who’s Back…Back Again!

Yesterday I stumbled upon my own blog which I had long abandoned(not very long but long enough). My life has undergone dramatic changes since the time I last wrote. There are so many things I want to write about but either I’m too lazy or cant put those feelings and memories into words. Going back and reading all the previous posts I had put up, I feel like an idiot. I have grown and I can feel it. Visa trips, farewell, making up with friends,losing touch with old ones, dream trip to US ans Disneyland, interning at Stanford, getting placed, doing nothing…I feel like I lived my entire life in these six months. I don’t care about what people think anymore. I tend to look deeper into myself and understand myself better. I am more sure and confident of myself and finally feel good about being me. Yet there is a lot more to come…

Living is like sitting in a rollercoaster..you can either hop on, enjoy the thrill and come back to where you started, or just stand there watching all the people take the ride and try to imagine what it would be like being one of them….

Conversations

“Does god exist?”

“I think so”

“Why do you think so?”

“I dont know, I just think so.”

“What proof do you have?”

“What proof do you have that you are living?”

“Well, I breathe (I respire), I can sense the world around me and all my metabolic activities are on perfectly fine.”

“Do you know how it feels to die?”

“I do know your heart stops beating and stuff.”

“Do you believe in science?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know what quantum physics is?”

“Yes, ofcourse!”

“Good. So if your heart stops beating in this universe, wouldnt it be beating in some other? Does that mean you are dead or alive?”

“What if we die in all universes at the same time?”

“What if you dont?”

“What if you are already dead in a universe? Are you dead or alive now?”

“Can you prove that this concept of parallel universes exists?”

“Can you disprove it?”

I choose to be agnostic until conversations with answers come to me….